Exhale

Sofi reading to her baby. Such an innocent photo, yet to me this picture says so much more.

The last few weeks have been such an eye opener. School is now in rhythm, routines are set and mom is finally feeling like she can move forward. Sofi is not an easy toddler. She has so much energy, such a high need for attention. The dream of me working from home while she played quietly next to me, or while she took her 2 hr nap, is not real. I think I have come to accept that. I am learning how to be still. I am learning how to sit with her in a quiet and room and play. I am learning how hard it is to focus on one thing and not feel guilty about multi-tasking 5 projects. I am learning it is okay for some quality, non-work personal time with my girl. And for the first time ever, she sat down yesterday and played alone. Wow.

I have been looking for inspiration for a long time. Pretty much all year. How do I handle all the responsibities in my life? Realistically I should be working at least 30 hrs a weeek in office to keep up with all my projects at work. I have daycare. I have a calling, which has been really neglected. I have 4 busy children. I run a house that needs clean clothes and non-moldy food and organization. My 3 older kids have enough homeowork each night to send me back to school full time. I have a sweet litle girl whose brain is a sponge and should be filled with more than just "shut-up" (Robby taught her that). Ocassionally I run a taxi service. Oh, and I should nurture my marriage. Yes, a date once in a while that is not work related. So, I have been praying for answers. I have been praying for guidance. I have been praying for help. I have been praying for peace. Inspiration from the spirit always comes to when I am supposed to be asleep. Yep, 3 am. Maybe the Lord knows that is when my mind is the most queit.

My inspiration has been coming in pieces. Learning to say no. Learning to delegate. And then there was the 3 am call from the Lord. It is time to sell our rental house. Wow. I wasn't looking for that one. But now I understand. This is the Lord's blessing. And like most blessings, it is not a hand out. I will be working my butt off for the next couple weeks. But I have faith that the Lord is in charge. I feel the spririt so heavily. I look forward to the miracles. No more landlord problems. 2 less bills. Extra money! Being able to be out of debt that is still left over from Kelbre's birth. Less bills = more me time. More Sofi time. A less cranky mommy. The future is bright.