Life Lessons

This has been an amazing week of life lessons. I dislocated my shoulder on Saturday. We had a FHE from Elder Uchdorf's talk at conference about regrets on Sunday. I had a deep discussion with my eldest about testimony on Sunday as well. I came away from my weekend with a completely different perspective on my family, my problems, my life.

Saturday morning started off as a quiet day to relax, which is rare in my house. There is usually some sport or scout activity to contend with. I decided to take the dogs on a walk and let the girls play down at the school for a minute. I pushed Sofi a little too high on the swings and I saw that she was going to fall, so I jumped in to save her. Instead, she still went down and I went with her. I would say it was the most painful thing I have ever expereinced, but then I remember that I have given birth and had a kidney stone. But it is definitely in the top 3.

After an ambulance ride, and being knocked out to re-set the shoulder, I am expecting a HUGE bill. Now, my first intinct was to dispair. I am trying to do so much financially right now. But then I felt peace. Elder Uchdorf talked a lot about not living life in dispair but to enjoy every moment. Look for the good. Don't worry becasue the problems will always be there. And to refocus on family, on my coventants, on my faith. To not just decide to do something, but to do it. I needed this lesson. Just wish it didn't involve so much pain!

Photographs

A picture is worth a thousand words?? That is exactly what I think when I see this. My baby is growing up and is turning into quite the little character. This fake smile pose is so typical of her now. It used to be that if I wanted to take her photo, she would hide her face. But now that she knows how a camera works, she is always making some forced smile, then begging to see herself. She is also becoming so independant. She insisted on standing-not sitting-on the hayride and she had to be up on top of the hay. The hayride was going SO slow so I didn't mind this time. But it seems like everything has been a battle lately, and oh my, the tears! Hormones are in place! When you open the door to the van now, you have to "get away" so she can get in all by herself. It's the little things like that. The quality of your whole day can be determined by one small decision. Now I see why the youngest children are sometimes so dang spoiled. I am too old to deal with drama! Speaking of drama, see the dress? She has to wear them all the time. Luckily I can get her to wear pants under. But she wants the "pretty" clothes.

This photo also represents fall, and change. We are all about change in our home right now, and I think the smile of her face is significant. To say the last half of 2012 has been sucky would be an understatement. SO much stress. But a good chunk of it is in the "change" mode. Robby has decided to come back home to be homeschooled. Now some people might wonder how bringing a child home to be homeschooled when you already work a TON is a GOOD thing? But I almost immediatly felt a ton of weight come off my shoulders. When he was at the local High School, it was such a battle. My eldest was always being influenced by the bad kids, by the temptations at this age. He was developing some not so wonderful habits and attitudes. Then there is the issue of him failing out. Robby just doesn't learn like most kids. So I found myself having to re-teach everyting he was doing. He would waste his time by going to school all day, then come home at night for hours and hours of homework. And in the end, he still had D's and F's. Stress, fighting, exhaustion. Poor Sofi gets so upset now if anyone else is upset, especially Robby. She is his biggst cheerleader.  So here we go into new adventures.

I have decided not to use a virtual school. While it worked when Robby was younger, I want to be in control. I feel like a virtual school is still a battlle. You still have to modify things. So I am looking forward to teaching my son the way I know he can learn. I know I am uptight enough that my son will get a stronger education then most kids. But at least I can push him in a way that doesn't make him snap. The friend issue should be a little bit easier now, he has seminary. He has YM. He can go to a homeschool group with other LDS teens on Thursday's. He can get involved in a Drama production (which I think he will be great at!) that is now not goinng to interfere with homework. Good wholesome kids to be around. Good leadership. I am excited! This should lead to a little "me" time too. I have no choice to slow down. The homeschoool group that meets weekly has a book club for moms. When I first heard, I thought, " I have no time for that." But it is what I need. I have given myself to everything else for so long, it is time for me to have some personal time. I need to learn how to relax.

I look ahead with the same cooky smile that Sofi has. I am excited for winter, for the holidays. I am excited for the new year. I have gotten used to hiding my face. Now I look foward to "seeing the picture" when we are done.

On The Market

Well, it has been a stressful month, but we did it. Our rental house is on the market. A couple weeks ago I woke up at 3 am to the spirit testifying to me that we needed to sell our other house. We have always wanted to keep it as an income property, but there was no doubt in that moment what we were supposed to do. So we are being obedient. We spent a lot of money updating the house, but feel good about the homes being sold in the area. Hopefully this will allow us to remove some past debts and to reduce the distractions in our life. Robb and I agree that we want two things: our kids and the practice. That is enough for us right now. We feel like there has been way too many things pulling our family in different directions, too much stress. So we are de-cluttering our lives. Refocusing on our family. But in order to do that, we had to be really stressed our for a couple weeks!

The kitchen really needed a major update. So we painted all the cabinets and added hardware. We also had beautiful hardwood floors put in, along with all new carpeting in the entire house.

The new kitchen sink! It is funny to think about all these fabulous purchases that we will never get to use!
I am so thankful for my wonderful husband who practically lived over there for two weeks trying to get all the doors, windows and moldings in the entire house painted white. It was a huge job. I am so looking forward to the simple actvities we used to do when we had time: going to the temple, doing genealogy, playing a game together as a family, talking the dogs for walks. I was really touched by General Conference this past weekend: most of the talks dealt with reducing distractions, focusing on the family. I know we have been spending so much time away, so much time in the car. What a blessing this is going to be in our lives!

Exhale

Sofi reading to her baby. Such an innocent photo, yet to me this picture says so much more.

The last few weeks have been such an eye opener. School is now in rhythm, routines are set and mom is finally feeling like she can move forward. Sofi is not an easy toddler. She has so much energy, such a high need for attention. The dream of me working from home while she played quietly next to me, or while she took her 2 hr nap, is not real. I think I have come to accept that. I am learning how to be still. I am learning how to sit with her in a quiet and room and play. I am learning how hard it is to focus on one thing and not feel guilty about multi-tasking 5 projects. I am learning it is okay for some quality, non-work personal time with my girl. And for the first time ever, she sat down yesterday and played alone. Wow.

I have been looking for inspiration for a long time. Pretty much all year. How do I handle all the responsibities in my life? Realistically I should be working at least 30 hrs a weeek in office to keep up with all my projects at work. I have daycare. I have a calling, which has been really neglected. I have 4 busy children. I run a house that needs clean clothes and non-moldy food and organization. My 3 older kids have enough homeowork each night to send me back to school full time. I have a sweet litle girl whose brain is a sponge and should be filled with more than just "shut-up" (Robby taught her that). Ocassionally I run a taxi service. Oh, and I should nurture my marriage. Yes, a date once in a while that is not work related. So, I have been praying for answers. I have been praying for guidance. I have been praying for help. I have been praying for peace. Inspiration from the spirit always comes to when I am supposed to be asleep. Yep, 3 am. Maybe the Lord knows that is when my mind is the most queit.

My inspiration has been coming in pieces. Learning to say no. Learning to delegate. And then there was the 3 am call from the Lord. It is time to sell our rental house. Wow. I wasn't looking for that one. But now I understand. This is the Lord's blessing. And like most blessings, it is not a hand out. I will be working my butt off for the next couple weeks. But I have faith that the Lord is in charge. I feel the spririt so heavily. I look forward to the miracles. No more landlord problems. 2 less bills. Extra money! Being able to be out of debt that is still left over from Kelbre's birth. Less bills = more me time. More Sofi time. A less cranky mommy. The future is bright.

Hello and Goodbye Oregon

It's been 10 years but we made it back to Oregon. Aaron has been feeling really left out since Sofi was born, and all the other kids being born here. So here it is: Aaron seeing the fabulous hosipital where he was born.

Okay, it's just so much fun taking pictures of this kid. She is such a little rascal and trying to get her to even look at the camera is about impossible. But every now and then you get a good one:

I was really impressed at how well the whole family did together. Sometimes spending that much time together in a small space can lead to lots of fighting, but everyone really worked hard to be happy and cooperative. Robb and I devoted ourselves to the kids completely, meaning NO WORK. Which was great then and not so great now that we are home. Oh well. Here are a few more good ones:

So happy to be a mom to these 4 great kids even though many of them give me gray hair. I am so happy we had this chance to get away.
Now to take a big, long breath and face the craziness back at home.

Frozen in time

After a day of pure exhaustion, we made it to Oregon. I was really impressed at the ease of our flight, but the rest of the day involved a lot of waiting and a VERY cranky baby. I can only imagine how the flight home is going to go, when our flight leaves at 6 am. Here is the shot I got of the kids before we took off. Yes Robb, I should have had them close the window shade. I don't think of things like that.

My son Aaron is 12. I can't believe it! When we left Oregon last time, he was 2. Where did the time go? I can't believe what a remarkable young man he has become. Robb and I were joking that we should have named him Robby; he is so much like his dad. He is very athletic (football, basketball and track) and seems to be good at everything he does naturally. He also has his daddy's brain, which makes him a little bit of a smarty pants. I certainly don't comprehend things like they do..

We went to a place called Oaks Amusement park, which is like a permanent fair. If you want to know what kind of child Aaron is, just look at this photo:

What other 12 year old boy would be caught dead on a carousel ride? He did it to make his baby sister happy. And mom can use the photo later on as blackmail. How great is that?

I am so proud of all my children. We are sharing one of those rare moments when life can slow down a bit and we can just enjoy each other. A dream state. We laugh together, we play together and everyone is getting along. I imagine part of that is due to the fact that the older two always have plugs in their ears and their eyes on a screen, but trips aren't like they were when I was growing up. The trip isn't part of the fun, it's just a means to get there. But I'll take what I can get. I needed this trip for my sanity. To step away and just enjoy the view.

All things good must come to an end..

With the approach of Labor Day this weekend, summer if officially over. At least in my mind. It is so hot that I am having a hard time convincing myself it is fall. Maybe going to Oregon will help.

I thought I would take a look back at what we did this summer. This was the first time I didn't make my kids do school work every day; I think I was too tired. Too much stress this year with daycare and working so much at the office. The kids all enjoyed it, I'm sure! Each of them seems to be ahead (Robby is already beyond my math knowledge) so I guess I have to take a chill-pill and let their school take over.

Most of our summer, at least the first two months, can be summarized by one thing:

My sis took a great shot of Robby doing hurdles 

Aaron throwing shot put

Yep. Track. We spent all summer outside at track meets. Kelbre and Sofi were sure troopers. We tried to make the events as fun as possible, staying over night in Denver and doing other things. Mostly though they were hot; crazy (running all over the meets for the different events); and long. Both boys showed a lot of improvement over the summer. Aaron ended up taking state champion in the shot put. I am just so happy that we spent so much time outdoors. I told Kelbre she may as well join track next year. She is at all the meets anyway! Based on the dirty look I got, I think I forgot that she doesn't like to run.

Sofi in her rockin' her 4th of July outfit given to her by her Aunt Jennifer.

 Reece and Sofi. It is incredibly difficult to get a photo of them together

Kids and cousins.



My baby turned two in July. We spent a lot of time at spray parks and regular parks. The child always wants to be outside. We celebrated her birhday with swings and splash-splash and family. The three best things in her mind. Well, you might have to add a popsicle in there. Then it would be the best.

Thanks to my husband's family, we decided to take a big trip to Vedauwoo, Wyoming to go rock climbing. We love being up there with them. I stayed down below this time, to give some attention to the little ones and my mom. Not sure where Aaron was in this photo; he must have been with his dad and uncle Reed on a separate rock. My sister's family came along, and loved it too. Except for when Jenn broke her foot and ruined her summer. It was a big bummer.

She is still in a cast, but at least now it is a walking one. It is taking a long time to heal. She busted in her camera too by falling. No more rock climbing for her.

Grandma (my  mom) has been here all summer to spend time with the family. We spent some of our time away, taking her to the zoo and to the state fair. But mostly we spent a lot of time togehter here at the house. She even got brave enough to put her rear in the kiddie swings with Sofi. She leaves in a couple days to go back home to Pap Pap and Spunky. We will miss her.

Not the best photo, but here are my girls in their Indian dresses that we purchased at the fair.

Maybe it was the stress in my life, and the hundred's of dollars in gas we spent this year. But the best times I feel we had involved being outside, on walks and working together as a family. It is the first year EVER that we have not camped with the kids. Shameful.

Kelbre had a very girly birthday party this year. Aunt Brooke came and did the hair and nails for her friends and they did crafts. It was a spa party. Her aunt Jacki even made here a big brownie decorated like a flower for her ice cream sundaes. I really appreciate family and all they did to make her 7th birthday special.

And of a very sad note, we had to say goodbye to Aaron's friend Mark. His family moved to Spain for the semester. We will miss them all! But they will be back by December.

Lastly, my FAVORITE part of summer: Finding Obed.

My ancestors, with my great great grandfathe on the lower left. The top left is a cousin and the other two are brothers. I had many photos of the brothers, but nothing of the cousin. It was like Christmas!

My sister came over to my house one morning in histeria, she had been crying all morning. She had a dream and saw a lot of our ancestors on my dad's side. It was very powerful for her. She felt like we needed to search out that side of the family, especially the Mexican's who we knew little about. My dad had tried to travel to Mexico many times but he had the worst luck in getting information. Well, a couple days after my sister's dream, I was checking my email and accidently clicked on the "junk" email box. Usually I just delete this. Well, the first email in there was from someone named "obed estrada" which is our bloodline, so I read it. He is a long lost cousin of my dad's who is a geneologist. We communicated all summer and he shared a lot of info about the family. So many new things, new mysteries and new photos. He looks a lot like my grandfather's family. I love it when the Lord get's involved in my life! Although now I have a lot of work ahead of me to get this information all sorted out.  With is just about impossible with Sofi, who requires your absolue attention if you are conscious.

Great Summer 2012. The grand finale will be our trip to Oregon.

Looking forward to the mental break it will give me.



It's all about the kids...

I am feeling really thankful today for our business. I can remember way back when Robb and I were newlyweds, when he was still making plans for Optometry school, and he told me that he wanted to be in a career where he could support himself but still take time to get away. It was what he admired so much about his dad. His dad stayed with Kodak for son long becasue of the non material blessings he received. Robb believed that the best career would be one where he could take off for a week of scout camp, or little trips with his family, and have the company still bring in money. We are FINALLY at that point. And it is just as satisfying as I dreamed it would be. In just a few days we will head to Oregon. To visit where the dream first started.

The growth within our practice has been astounding, and I know it is through the Lord's blessing that we are able to accomplish so much. My dad told me one time, "just keep it small. You don't want to get too big." But how do you turn away these children, these parents? We have had parents lined up ready to pay, practically in tears because we are full. But we always find ways to make more room. I will never forget this high school boy who proudly came in to show off his report card. He was very quiet when he described how he had never received a B or A in his life. Very few C's. He was a D/Failing student. Here was his report card with all C's and 1 B. You could see the hope in his eyes. His whole future had changed. Who wants to turn away a family whose child has struggled so much, and you know you can make the difference? It is overwhelming. From the very beginning we have been cautious in our approach, fearing that any time the growth would slow. But we are now realizing the value in "shooting for the stars." A life of giving to our community. What a dream.

Birthday's

So we had a very busy weekend celebrating Aaron and Kelbre's birthday's with both sides of the family. Saturday was devoted to my sister's side along with my mom, and Sunday was the Johnson's. We had a big Mexican dinner on Saturday, then took some family photos with my mom and roasted marshmallows on the fire pit. We have sure enjoyed the fire pit. There is something about sitting around smelling like smoke that makes everyone get along.

Sunday was a recovery day for me. I went into work for about 4 hours and got a lot done. I am realizing how badly I need to be in the office for long periods of time. I will have to continue to make my crazy schedule work for a couple of weeks, then I can make it happen.

Sunday was also our birthday dinner with Robb's family. We were able to celebrate a cousin's birthday too, who happens to be a day older than Kelbre. I was very excited about the photo I got of them mid blow. Aaron wanted mostly money and Xbox stuff, which he got. He is loaded now with money, junk food, pop and earphones to keep him from hearing mom. What more could a boy want? He is thinking abt getting a Kindle fire, but we will see. He changes his mind so frequently. Kelbre, my sweetheart, got movies, cuddle blankets and all things girly. I can't wait to curl up with her under her blanket to snuggle and watch Mulan.

Kelbre got a mad libs birthday card from her grandma. It turned out really good! It was such a great idea. By the way, "bealo" is a cross between a bee and buffalo apparently. Never knew that.

Now our busy week has started. 4 days to get everything done before we head out to Portland. I am so looking forward to this trip, but I believe I am in denial about getting ready on time. Let's see, I have daycare kids three out of the four days; The kids are busy with school and getting ahead before we leave;The boys are busy with football, karate and a court of honor; I have to work the one day I don't have daycare; somehow I need to visit teach before I go; with my neice moving in I need to get a good housecleaning in; finished laundry might be nice; I need to spend some time with my mom, who leaves to go home while we are gone. My mom in law's advice last night: "Don't worry about it. You can buy whatever you need in Portland if you need to." That's usually what happens. Maybe I shouldn't pack at all.

Early Bird

This week has been a bit of adjustment for me as Robby started Seminary on Tuesday. I am blessed to have a nephew that is 16 and can drive him each morning, but that doesn't mean I can sleep. I usually start worring that I am goin to oversleep at about 4:00, so I spend the next 1 1/2 hours tossing and turning and watching the clock. I keep telling myself that I used to do this 20 years ago and that my body will adjust, but so far all I have done is end up in an arthritis flair up. I never thought about getting old too much, but I realize lately that I am. I am old. I am tired. And it makes me crazy that my husband can snore right through all of it.

Suspended Animation

I am finally making an attempt to join the blogging world again. I finally realize the value of having a space to vent and express my life in written form. I woke up this morning thinking "I feel like I am stuck and unable to move forward, yet at the same time I feel life spiraling out of control around me." I think that is a sign. Perhaps I needed it to have some reflective time. I feel so many demands on my time, from being a mom to four needy children, to performing a balancing act with work and daycare, and then there are just the day to day operations here at home. How does any person handle this many things all at the same time?

Today is day 3 of the kids gone at school and I am already feeling the pressure of occuping Sofi all day long. If I wasn't giving her direct attention today, she was all over me. I feel like I have been a plucked turkey, trampoline, jungle gym, horse, and servant in only a couple hours. I think I have forgotten how to relax. There is always that project in the back of my mind, those stacks of papers that I need to work on, organization for my kids that needs to take place, shopping needing done or dishes to wash. The dogs stare at me with these sad eyes. There are 100 apples on the ground in the back yard and the front yard is half dead from lack of watering. I think I have washed the load of laundry in the washing machine 3 times already; it never seems to make it to the dryer. 

I feel like I am in a cartoon; suspended in mid-air while life is going on around me. Any minute I will drop.